Women Crush Wednesday

Salutations, Henchmen!

Boy, does it feel good to be home! It also feels good to SEE home, since the new glasses that I ordered before I left were waiting for me when I got back!

How do you like ‘em?! I understand that they can look different depending on which outfit they’re paired with. I’d say they pair best with my birthday suit, naturally. Buuuut you’d have to be subscribed to my OnlyFans to know for sure ;)

So, now that I have completely packed up the entirety of a three-bedroom farmhouse and subsequent backyard barns and sheds, the final tally of wooden birds has been calculated! Yes- this really is the epitome of excitement I had whilst there…lol. So, without further ado…the number of wooden birds hidden on my grandparents property is seventeen! While no one actually guessed the exact number, our closest guess was Carl (a.k.a JIMBO), who came in at 15! CONGRATS JIMBO! Not a bad guess for an American ;) You shall be receiving a lewd picture with my favourite wooden bird in your DMs shortly. Thank you to everyone who made a guess and humoured me during this boring time. I’ve also received a few questions about the VHS tapes. Since you all humoured me with the wooden bird game, I suppose I can humour your nostalgia-craving asses, too. The blank VHS tapes had the following labels:

- The Man in the Iron Mask (never seen it- is it good?)
- Last Action Hero (FUCK YEAH)
- The Count of Monte Cristo (decent)
- Batman & Robin (LOL)
- The X-Files Movie (I want to believe…this movie was better than it was)
- The Long Kiss Goodnight (shout out to Geena Davis!)
- “Yoga with…Angela” (whatever this is, there were three of them. Honestly, I don’t think I want to know.)

Do with that information what you will…(I suppose it could make for an eclectic 90’s movie marathon?)

Alright, onto your woman crush! This one is actually a suggestion from my grandma and stems from our daily breaks when we’d stop for some tea and to catch the 4:30pm re-runs of Maude. Now just hang on a second! It’s not as wholesome as it sounds! Did you know the woman who played Maude’s divorced daughter, Carole, was actually a 70’s sex symbol, a sci-fi and horror icon and a talented broadway star, and one of the iconic voices of the DC Universe? Yeah, me neither. Well, allow me to enlighten you as I have been. Your woman crush this week is the beautiful, bosomy brunette bombshell known as Adrienne Barbeau! Before her starring role in Maude, Adrienne rose to prominence on Broadway. While she had many leading roles on stage (including a fearless nude performance in Stag Movie), she is best known for being the original Rizzo in Grease.

I mean, who doesn’t love a woman who can pull off the “tough girl” archetype flawlessly with a sly smile? I know I’m a sucker for it. Hehe. I’m also a sucker for those cheekbones, eyebrows and chocolate brown eyes…and apparently I’m not alone in that. The overwhelming popularity of her pinup posters from the late 70’s (see below) solidified her status as a sex symbol at the time.

As much as I admire her for her singing and acting talents, it’s posters like these that I tend to admire even more because they imply an individual that was bold and confident enough to put herself out there during a time when that kind of thing wasn’t exactly celebrated. It implies the kind of “fuck-it” attitude and subversive tendencies that I find incredibly attractive. That alone would be enough to make her a worthy woman crush! However, she only continued to get more intriguing as her career progressed. Her next metamorphosis saw her bring her “tough girl” archetype to 80’s horror and sci-fi films, challenging the idea of the traditional “scream queen” in the process. She appeared in several cult classics, such as The Fog, Swamp Thing, Creepshow and Escape from New York (one of my personal campy favourites!).

After conquering broadway, primetime TV, and the horror and sci-fi genre, you’d think that would be enough for this multi-faceted star…but it wasn’t. She went on to conquer voice acting, too. You may recognize her as the sultry voice of Catwoman in Batman: the Animated Series, The New Batman Adventures, and Gotham Girls. Or, perhaps you’ve heard her in God of War III, Halo 4 or the Mad Max video games. Yet, despite all of this, she still sought to entertain us outside of our screens as well. She released a folk album, wrote an entire trilogy of mystery novels, and hosted a radio show that featured weekly book reviews, because why not dip your toes in every single form of media, right? Seriously, she’s dabbled in everything entertainment. At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if it turns out she’s also illustrated a comic book or released a collection of award-winning poetry or something. Simply put: she’s iconic, groundbreaking, courageous, well-read and ever-evolving. An exquisite selection for a woman crush. Yeah, my granny knows what’s up!

Until next time, Henchmen! Stay evil.