Timmies' Donuts, Ranked (The Best)
I know you are all desperately wanting to know what your Overlord’s favourite donut happens to be so you can figure out how to make them from scratch and then send me dozens upon dozens of them in the mail. Oh … is that just what I’m desperately hoping will happen? Whatever. I guess I’ve been working hard to get a six-pack lately* so you don’t have to go through all that deep-fried effort.
Sigh.
Let’s just get going with the rankings then (before I dwell on not being able to taste a donut again for a while) so without further ado here was are the TOP TEN donuts offered up by Tim Horton’s up here in Canada, eh!
*Although…one of my favourite pro-wrestlers (and maybe one of the sexiest women I’ve ever seen?!), Mandy Rose (check out that Insta, btw… you can thank me later), hosts a weekly Donut tasting show on YouTube with her tag-team partner. And Mandy has a wicked six-pack. Sooooo….with a few extra crunches a day I could sustain a donut addiction too, right? RIGHT?!
Vesper Vee’s Official Timmies’ Donut Rankings ™
(continued from Part One: The Rest)
The following donuts are ranked from ‘worst’ to ‘best’ using ridiculous criteria that are only applicable to your Overlord’s palette but nevertheless it is obviously THE OFFICIAL donut ranking, THE BEST donut ranking, and THE ONLY donut ranking that matters. Duh. The placement of each donut in the ranking has been carefully thought out and I was also careful to cleanse my palette with almond milk between each donut tasting to preserve the integrity of the rankings. Thus, the rankings are absolutely correct and non-negotiable. If you don’t agree, you’re wrong. That’s that.
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10: The Honey Dip Donut. Fluffy, sticky, delightfully sweet. A very basic donut but it somehow hits you in all the right ways. It’s always in stock so it’s usually a good fall back when they don’t have your first choice (speaking from experience on several occasions here).
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9: The Dulce de Leche Crème Dream Donut. The clear winner of the new donuts. It’s unlike any other donut at Timmies. It has a filling that’s undeniably Dulce de Leche. They definitely got that part right. It’s a unique donut though- it tastes kind of milky, with a strange spice that I couldn’t quite identify. Um, Nutmeg maybe? I’d say it was weird but in a good way.
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8: The Chocolate Glazed Donut. The highest ranking of the chocolate donuts. Anything glazed in sugar is bound to be good, right?
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7: The Blueberry Glazed Donut. This one tastes like there was blueberry muffin mix used to make a donut (which isn’t necessarily a bad thing). It definitely tastes like fake blueberry flavouring but I still dig it. The glaze makes it sweet and tangy while the blueberry keeps the dough cool, sour, and moist- making for a great combo. We’re getting close to the top now though so it has to be better than great to keep up.
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6: The Maple Dip Donut. A true taste of Canada and the best variety of the Dip donuts, eh! Sticky Canadian goodness.
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5: The Canadian Maple Donut. Sticky Canadian goodness with added gooey creamy goodness in the middle. A delicious double-whammy, eh! Does this donut exist anywhere else in the world?!
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4: The Honey Crueller. Buttery. Flakey. Dissolves in your mouth. What more could you ask for? Well, you could ask for chocolate on top but apparently that is too much of a demand (see #17). If they must force me to choose between the chocolate and the honey, I’ll take the honey any day. It’s an incredible donut as is.
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3: The Raspberry Jelly Donut. I might have ranked this higher but I didn’t want anyone to mistake me for a cop. LOL. This has always been one of my go-to donuts. The dry, powdered sugar on the outside just contrasts so nicely with the huge glob of juicy jelly that explodes from the inside. I love it no matter what flavour of jelly is inside (but raspberry is definitely the best for its tartness). Globs are also fun!
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2: The Sour Cream Glazed Donut. Tart and sweet with a touch of spice. A bit crunchy on the outside, soft and doughey on the inside. This OG donut can’t be beat. I can eat so many of these that my tummy hurts. It has happened before and probably will again.
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1: The Apple Fritter. This donut is like a delicious slice of apple cinnamon pie but even better because the whole thing is glazed in sugary goodness. Perfection. PERFECTION. Aside from the amazing taste, it’s also bigger than any of the other donuts- for the same price (I love a good bang for my buck!); the fritter absolutely deserves the title of the best donut Timmies has to offer and that’s my controversial but ultimately final pick! AND THERE’S NOTHING ANYONE CAN DO ABOUT IT! It’s been made official by your Overlord.
If you’re not Canadian (lame) and can’t get your hands on one of these bad boys then here is a recipe you can use that looks pretty pain-staking to be honest. After reading it, I’m pretty sure I would put a ring on whoever went through the effort of actually making those from scratch for me. That fairytale beats Disney Princess gunk any day, eh?
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So that’s that. Your Overlord has now handed down ultimate judgement regarding Canadian sugary dough snacks!
What’s next? Hmm.
Stay tuned for my WWE Elimination Chamber Review later and, of course, follow my socials if you don’t happen to already: Twitter, Instagram, Twitch (I’ll get there one day, LOL), and definitely subscribe to my OnlyFans to see what happens when I get naked and beg for a donut (and other naughty, lewd fun)!!
