Women Crush Wednesday

This one is GREAT...

Salutations, Henchmen!

Well, well, well, another Wednesday, another wonderful woman to crush on. But first, a quick update. Since it’s the last Wednesday of January, I think it’s safe to say the shine of the New Year has worn off. The corny “New Year, New Me!” posts have run their course (ugh, finally) and new year’s resolutions which once held a glimmer of hope now represent yet another failed attempt at self-improvement for most people. But your Overlord is not “most people” (a.k.a. losers). No, your Overlord is a WINNER. Despite the renewed lockdown for us Canucks, I’ve managed to make some headway on Your Overlord’s Totally Realistic Resolutions for 2021™. Yep. As you may remember from the final newsletter of 2020, there are quite a few on the list, so let’s just take a look at the ones I’ve already made progress on:

•    To completely take over the world (Duh. But preferably with ease?) (WELCOME to all new subscribers in 2021. Each and everyone of you adds to the swelling ranks of devoted Henchmen needed to secure world domination. Thank you for your service.)

•    To put at least 6 people in a half nelson (2 victims locked in! Mwahaha. Only 4 more to go…)

•    To put at least 66 people in a full nelson (and I don’t really care who they are, so watch yourselves. Mwahahahaha. But preferably ‘really hot girls while mudwrestling’ or something. That would be ideal for me!)(Also 2 victims locked in! The same ones as the half nelsons because, unfortunately for said victims, I’m all about efficiency.)

•    To make #awkwarderotica the sexiest porn niche. Suggestions? (Those of you who saw my latest video on OnlyFans know this to be true, am I right? Hehe. But still, more suggestions required. Send them here.)

•    To perfect my Bob and Doug Mckenzie routine (know any funny lady canucks or cute hosers? Whether they have experience roleplaying as Bob or as Doug is irrelevant as I am very adaptable and can do both brothers.) (I have acquired a good toque for this, which is definitely an important element of the routine.)

•    To set fire to more things in general. Let’s make 2021 the year of pyromaniacs?! Okay?! (no harming anyone though, please!) (I did have a backyard bonfire in which I set fire to an old couch…hey, it’s a start.)

•    To make smarter whiskey choices. Enough with novelties (the Trailer Park Boys’ Whiskey Travesty of 2019 will never happen again, I promise!) (I enjoyed a couple of shots of Collingwood whiskey on New Year’s Eve. It was a decent Canadian blended whiskey but there’s definitely room for improvement.)

•    To be less pretentious. LOL, just kidding. Never, losers! (You are reading this newsletter, right? Yeah, my levels of pretentiousness have been SOARING lately!)

•    To employ a team of writers and force them to write me better jokes than the ones I’m writing now.  (Perhaps there’s been a secretly gifted writer hiding amongst my henchmen that would like to step forward?) 

•    To make sexy, high quality photoshoots- actually, this one is very serious too. Suggestions? (Going strong with this one every week, check them out here!)

So, am I killing it or am I killing it? You’re right, I am killing it! Hehehe. Well, if you’re still reading at this point it means that you either love my braggadocio (and I don’t blame you) or you’re patiently awaiting the announcement of your Woman Crush for this week, so I guess I’ll stop depriving you of it. I have chosen your Woman Crush based on a rather hilarious show I’ve been enjoying on Amazon Prime* lately. The show, aptly named The Great, is set in 18th century Russia and presents a satirical re-telling of the rise of Catherine the Great. I initially started watching it thinking it would be a secret guilty pleasure series as I often enjoy a gaudy period piece (why yes, I watched The Tudors series back in the day, WHAT OF IT?!), however, I was pleasantly surprised to find out that it was kind of a mockery of such things, being filled with outlandish, absurd scenarios but all the while still teeming with sex. So in other words, its great! Anyways, I would highly recommend it not only for its quirky, dry humour but also for the lovely actress in the starring role, Elle Fanning. While The Great shows off her comedic timing, she has also had adult roles in other independent films recently that show off her range and skill as an actor. Then, of course, there are her stunning blue eyes, cute little button nose and coy smile. Between her talent, sense of humour and overall exquisite beauty, she seemed like the perfect choice for your Woman Crush this week. Just take a look at her photos below and I’m sure you’ll agree.

*Yes, yes, I know I’m committing a crime against evil as I am technically supporting a competing Overlord, Jeff Bezos, by using his streaming service…but cut me some slack. What’s an Evil Overlord to do when there’s a monopoly on good TV?! At least I don’t have Netflix!

 

I know what you’re thinking…isn’t that the child star from Super 8? Well, yes, but she’s all grown up, hard working, and hot now. And boy, is Hollywood better for it, eh? Yet, she may be all grown-up but I’m now realizing that she’s still a couple of years younger than your Overlord…*gulps* Oh shit, I’ve now officially entered the stage of life in which the new, up and coming celebrities are…are…younger than me! Oh fuck. Scratch what I said about my resolution regarding pretentiousness; I think I just got humbled a little bit. Damn. I better go research some recipes for a perpetual youthfulness elixir or something…is virgin’s blood still the standard or have there been new advancements in the field? I should probably go ask Paul Rudd…

Until next time, Henchmen! Stay evil.