Women Crush Wednesday (and New Year’s Message!)

Saved the best for last...

Salutations, Henchmen!

Well, 2020 is finally squeaking out its dying breath. THANK FUCKING GOD, EH? She says, pretending like the arbitrary date we have chosen to signify the beginning of a new year possessed some kind of magical powers to bring about sudden change of circumstance and deliver us from our current misfortunes in favour of a brighter future…seriously though, what can we do to make this kind of magic happen? Human sacrifice? Fuck it, let’s bring back human sacrifice for 2021!! I mean, it does seem fitting, no? You know what they say; drastic times call for drastic measures. Besides, I’m preeeeettty sure our society is already at the prescribed levels of hysteria to make human sacrifice seem like an appealing option. So, any volunteers?? On second thought, it’s probably best to go with a virgin of purest quality for such things and I know you’ve all seen my nudes & lewds so you naughty boys and girls are all undoubtedly out of the question. Sigh. Moving on, then. 

Before we get to the woman worship, I thought it would be fun to look back at the newsletter I sent out on New Year’s Eve last year (https://vesper.substack.com/p/the-end-of-days-for-2019) when I was full of hope and ambition,eager to pour my precious inner thoughts into the dark waters of the internet. Like, very eager, apparently. SHIT, I wrote a lot*. I guess I missed shooting the shit with you guys in my chatroom every night or something? Ew. So sappy. Well, we won’t have to miss it much longer, actually. As most of you know, your Overlord was in the middle of breaking a lease/searching for a new apartment while staying at home for the holidays and has been stuck in a house full of family members ever since thanks to the pandemic…and yeah, it’s been quite the cock-block. What can I say, I like to get loud and rowdy when I’m streaming!There’s no way around it. But this absence from streaming has gone on waaaaay too long and I can’t let another year go by without spreading my evil throughout the realms of the internet so I’m doing something about it. I’m in the process of transforming an unfinished storage room into a full-fledged, sound-proofed streaming studio that shall hitherto be known as VESPER’S VAULT! Woohoo! So yeah, once construction on Vesper’s Vault is complete, I plan to make a return to CB (of course) and make a debut on Twitch (woo, new ventures!).  Go ahead and follow your Overlord on both sites so you are adequately prepared for my return: 

Chaturbate.com/evilvillainess

Twitch.tv/vesperofevil

*Check it out if you’re bored and looking for some entertainment or a nostalgic glimpse at life pre-pandemic. Believe it or not, I actually used to be entertaining before the lockdown turned us all into zombies in love/hate co-dependent relationships with our screens. LOL.    

Okay, back to last year’s newsletter. I tried to summarize the year 2019 in one word and landed on arcane. LOL. I’m not even going to attempt one for this year; this newsletter is already full of profanity as it is. Buuut there’s always room for some in the comments so feel free to throw down your thoughts at the bottom of this email! I also put forward a very evil list of New Year’s resolutions last year. Let’s take a look at what I had naively planned for 2020 (before we knew everything was going to go up in flames) in a segment I’m going to call Hindsight is 2020™ (sorry but it’s such an irresistible pun). 

Your Overlord’s Totally Realistic Resolutions for 2020™:

•    To completely take over the world (Duh. But preferably with ease?) (Covid-19 beat me to it this year, DAMNIT.)

•    To build a moat around the new evil castle and populate it with lazersharks…or lazergatorz? Or maybe both?! I don’t know. We mostly have beavers up here so…(Completed! The evil castle now has Lazersharks AND a (semi) ferocious guard dog.)

•    To put at least 6 people in a half nelson (Only 2 people fell victim to my submissions this year, THANKS A LOT, SOCIAL DISTANCING!)

•    To put at least 66 people in a full nelson (and I don’t really care who they are, so watch yourselves. Mwahahahaha. But preferably ‘really hot girls while mudwrestling’ or something. That would be ideal for me!)(Aw, I was really looking forward to this one...Again, I only managed to inflict 2 full nelsons. *shakes fist*) 

•    To make #awkwarderotica an actual (and perhaps popular?) porn niche (Oh, it’s very real to all of my OnlyFans subscribers, right? Hehe.)

•    To make #awkwarderotica the sexiest porn niche. Suggestions? (More suggestions required. Send them here.)

•    To watch my Bangbus episodes all the way through (no more missing the cumshot goddammit!) (As it turns out, this is very achievable without a distracting chatroom to divert my attention. Count this one as very much achieved. WITH ENTHUSIASM! Hehe.)

•    To perfect my Bob and Doug Mckenzie routine (know any funny lady canucks or cute hosers? Whether they have experience roleplaying as Bob or as Doug is irrelevant as I am very adaptable and can do both brothers.) (Well, it’s not like I could hangout at Tim Horton’s or the local ice rink until I found my perfect McKenzie partner so this resolution remains incomplete. I hear Justin Trudeau is equally as disappointed as I am.) 

•    To diversify my acting repertoire by adding new animal impressions (I would say that the lockdown allowed me to perfect both my sloth and pig impressions, is that enough?)

•    To diversify my orgasm portfolio with crazier toys (because I am bored of the toys I have now) (Completed! Much thanks to Teacoup, Jimbo and Chipmunk for the help! Can’t wait to show ‘em off when I’m live again.)

•    To set fire to every single pickup truck, forcing the inevitable uprising of the electric truck (vroom vroom!)(Die another day, you gas-guzzlers!)

•    To set fire to more things in general. Let’s make 2020 the year of pyromaniacs?! Okay?! (no harming anyone though, please!) (If we count metaphorically setting everything on fire then 2020 really got it done for us!)

•    To crossbreed a moose and a beaver to create a new Canadian super animal known as the MOOVER (Spoiler-alert for Your Overlord’s Totally Realistic Resolutions for 2021™: train the MOOVERS so we can ride them into battle!) (This turned out to be a horrific abomination of nature. Oops.)

•    To eat a poutine for breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day for a month while filming it. I would call the series “Supersized Eh” (an excellent sponsorship opportunity if you want to cover the costs of such a diet!) (It seemed like a good idea to go with a body by workout instead of a body by poutine this year. Trust me, the nudes were better for it. ) 

•    To eat more pussy (look, I have a hard time picking up sexy ladies so I don’t get the opportunity to eat as much pussy as I would like. It’s pretty fucking bullshit!)(LOLOLOLOLOL. Remember when casual sex was a thing?)

•    To make smarter whiskey choices. Enough with novelties (the Trailer Park Boys’ Whiskey Travesty of 2019 will never happen again, I promise!) (I mostly consumed Kraken this year and I have no regrets. But by all means, feel free to buy me a fancy whiskey to celebrate my return to streaming if you feel so inclined…)

•    To be less pretentious. LOL, just kidding. Never, losers! (Not to toot my own horn but my levels of pretentiousness are higher than ever!)

•    To taste the salt of the earth everyone is always on about (Tasted it. Gross.)

•    To employ a team of writers and force them to make content about Total Divas (Still looking.)

•    To employ a team of writers and force them to write me better jokes than the ones I’m writing now.  (I think it’s quite obvious this has not happened yet.)

•    To make sexy, high quality cosplays- actually, this one is very serious. Suggestions? (No one suggested a cosplay. COME ON GUYS, it’s not that hard. You have the opportunity to see the boobs of a fictionalized character of your choosing, SEIZE IT!)

•    To make sexy, high quality photoshoots- actually, this one is very serious too. Suggestions? (Completed weekly, actually! *Insert flexing emoji* see below!)

Well, I’d say I accomplished a decent amount of my resolutions, considering the unprecedented, unpredictable turn of events this year. It’s hard to predict what’s ahead for 2021 so I think I’ll just try my best to do the resolutions that I wasn’t able to do this year. Fingers crossed for the burning of trucks and fingers double crossed for the eating of pussy!!! Mwahahahaha. 

Whew, okay, let’s wrap this up. Let’s do that thing that all the content creators do to avoid creating new content over the holidays and just recycle old shit under the guise of providing a “year in review”, shall we? For the final Women Crush Wednesday of 2020, allow me to introduceone of the most prestigious round-ups of the year: Vesper Vee’s Favourite Lewd Photos of 2020™! 

Hope you all enjoyed this year of lewdness! If you want more, check out my OnlyFans for the accompanying photosets and/or videos for each of the photos above. May 2021 be even more lewd!

Lastly, thank you all for reading my villainous thoughts for the last twelve months. I’m excited for you to join me live on Twitch and CB every week in 2021 to hear them delivered orally and with much more cleavage! WOOOO! 

Until next year, Henchmen (does that joke ever get old?)! Stay evil.